I believe the reason people smirk when I say I go to the movies alone, or have the same reaction to someone eating a meal at a restaurant by themselves, taking a vacation or going to a concert alone is this: there is a stigma attached with attending a social event in a non-social manner. We imply that being alone is synonymous with loneliness, two extremely different things. There is a stigma attached with being part of a social gathering or event in this manner because it is impossible to be social when you attend alone. People are afraid of how their image will be portrayed if they are seen like this. It warrants pity and questions from onlookers, much of the time without any measure of evidence other than the subject is not with someone else. Try and make time for yourself once a day.
With many of our busy lifestyles, time alone seems an impossibility sometimes, even more so when considered that it can be acheived daily. Try not to think of it as so much of a formal experience, but rather something that is part of your day. If you’re the type A personality, realize that in the long run, the stress that will be relieved and the clear thought that will come from just a few minutes of rest will help you be more productive. Give yourself 10 minutes of your lunch to find a quiet spot and shut your eyes during work, fall asleep to a favorite show after the kids have gone to bed, or talk a walk after work. The important thing is that you do it. It doesn’t have to be active, it doesn’t even have to be meaningful or a long period of time. It simply has to be yours.
Acknowledge it.
You’ve taken some time and given it to yourself, now what? A lot of these opportunities will be to “wind down” from the work day and just to tune out from stress, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to turn your brain off. Trust me, I can understand not wanting to think about work, finances, chores, and everyday problems - that’s not what I mean by keeping an active mind. Let your thoughts focus on the moment. One of the favorite parts of my day is the walk through the city from the parking lot down to my workplace. It’s early morning, and in the summer the breeze and sounds of the city often calm me. I don’t dwell on the issues I’ll have to deal with once I’m inside, I just enjoy the sensory experience and let any thoughts flow. Focus on the spaces in between your thoughts as well as the thoughts themselves. Thinking naturally, if that makes any sense, can be enlightening and adds a little variety to the thought processes we’re railroaded with throughout the day. So next time you’re alone, take in your surroundings and let your mind wander.
Don’t be self-conscious.
If you’re bold enough, don’t be afraid to go out and do things by yourself every once and a while. Sometimes treating yourself to a dinner, movie, quiet walk or shopping excursion can be just what the doctor ordered. A lot of people may shy away from this one and think “why would I do that when I can just call up my friend and go with them?” That’s a very good argument, but not one that’s really valid in this context. You can’t get the same experience alone as your can with a friend or group, so why should you expect the opposite to be true? This is time for you, and it’s about inner dialogue and exploration - two conversations are hard to hold at the same time.
Use it as a tool to make you more whole.
I’ve always found that a certain level of detachment from the everyday grind left me feeling recharged and more mentally aware. Be cognisant of the fact that there is a definite line between introversion and detaching on purpose. Are you an introvert normally? Are you getting to a point where being alone is the only time you feel comfortable? What techniques or activities have you found make you happier in daily life? These are all questions that if answered honestly can help you take the time you spend with yourself and foster it into a tool that allows you to be more adept socially and spiritually. Use all of the avenues available to your for self-discovery, from meditation to journal writing to simply “shutting down” for a while. The next time you venture off, whether it’s on the couch or the trail, think of why you’re enjoying that moment, how it makes you feel, and what benefit it will bring you in the future.
Enjoy It.
This one’s pretty straightforward. Above all, if you’ve given yourself time, regardless of the reason, use it for that purpose and achieve the result you’re looking for. Is to de-stress? Is it to unplug from technology? Perhaps it’s for a little hard-earned entertainment and a night out. Whatever the reason, make the most of it.
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5 Comments
Hi, thanks for linking to my article on experiencing the gap, the space between thoughts. I like your clear distinctions between being alone and loneliness. They are not the same thing. You are right to point out that many of us fear being alone because we equate that to loneliness. Much happiness and insight can arise when we take pleasure in our own company!
Thanks Evelyn!
I’m glad you enjoyed the article, and I’m definitely going to recommend your site to our readers!
John
I love my alone time–yes I’ve had people look at me funny- when I say that. It’s my time to be completely me.Thanks for your article. StormyK
Good post, John.
The way I look at it is this: on any given day, I’ll interact with over 600 people. Granted, I have a not-so-common job and workplace, but the idea applies to anyone. With so much interaction, when will we have any time to process what we’re experiencing? Sure, we deal with statements and events as they come up through the day, but the way in which we do so can be described as superficial, at best. In our society, we simply don’t have the time to delve deeper into comments made by others or bring up questions that may be brought on by other peoples’ actions.
This is where some “alone time” comes into play. Giving yourself time to sit down and think, “Wow, that guy brought up an interesting point” or “I should probably go about dealing with that person in a different way next time” will lead to not only a greater enlightenment of the people around you but, most importantly, yourself. Take the time to turn off the radio on the way home. Give the time to yourself, not the disc jockey.
In a terribly simplistic way of looking at things, there’s another way of getting my point across. What if we kept eating food, but never digested it? The initial experience only goes so far; it’s the journey of thinking abut what we’re doing that makes us who we are.
Damn, this was supposed to be a short post…….
Pipes,
Nice analogy! That’s a perfect example of not simply “tuning out.” Inner dialogue can be just as important as any other type of conversation, sometimes even more so.
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